Thursday, May 20, 2004

How much is too much?

I feel like I am almost at the end of my rope! My life hasn't been the easiest, and yet I don't complain. I have dealt with loss of life- way to many times to be able to count, have been mentally abused by my Ex, mugged and beaten when I was a teen, used to many drugs as a teen, gone through a divorce, took care of myself, my 2 daughters, and my pregnant sister, don't know my real father(the jerk was married and didn't tell my mother until I was conceived), you name- I have been through it!

I finally met a man, got married, he adopted my daughters, we had 2 kids, and bought a house- I really thought my life was going to be better. Then the other shoe falls! We just found out my husband has MS. We are having a hard time finding a doctor that takes our insurance(if you want to call it insurance). Jonas' boss has told him he will always have a job, and he and his wife are looking into better insurance for us.

Now I know that MS is something that you can live with for a long time- my Grandmother had it, so I do know a few things about it! I know that I am strong enough mentally to hand what I need to do for my husband. I know I can stand up to him when he goes through the rough patches he will go through with the verbal abuse(yes, this is part of MS, being very short tempered and bitchy). I truly believe I can handle all of what I will need to do.

All except watching my children cry that is! My daughter Jo got up today, and ran down stairs to give my husband a hug. She had a bad dream last night, one where her father lost his grip and fell down there stairs and died. She was so upset that we had to sit her down and explain to her that we will be moving in a few years to a home with out a basement, and with out an up stairs, just so we don't have to worry about this kind of thing. I can still see the scared look in her eyes, and to me that is going to be the worst part!

Hug your family and your friends!